Behold,
Greg Ingraham
Certified Cloud-Shouter, Professional Sandwich Architect, and the only man legally barred from every "All You Can Eat" buffet in the tri-state area.
Initiate ConfrontationThe Legend
Greg Ingraham doesn’t sleep; he waits. With over 15 years of experience in making people feel slightly uncomfortable in elevators, Greg has mastered the art of "Professional Loitering."
He once convinced a pigeon to return a stolen dollar and currently holds the unofficial world record for most consecutive days wearing the same pair of socks without causing a biohazard alert.
Questionable Skills
Aggressive Humming
The ability to maintain a flat B tone during high-stakes board meetings to establish dominance.
Interpretive Faxing
Successfully communicating complex emotional trauma via a 1994 Xerox machine.
Gravity Testing
Extensive research into dropping various household items to confirm that physics is still "doing its thing."
Active Investigations
The Duck Uprising
A strategic initiative to organize local park waterfowl into a sophisticated shadow government.
The Spaghetti Incident
A redacted project involving 400 pounds of pasta and a standard-sized office cubicle. No further questions.
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Demand an Audience
Greg is currently unavailable as he is busy teaching a squirrel how to file its own taxes. However, if your request involves shiny objects or complex riddles, please leave a message.
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